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Jan. 31, 2020

011 - Belonging

011 - Belonging

Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love and purpose - with wisdom, humour and transparency - through the lens of science, psychology, and life experiences.

Today we tackle the topic of belonging. All of us can relate to a time in our life where we felt like we didn’t belong. Is there something deeper going on within us that could negatively affect our connecting with others?


  • “ I feel like I don’t belong!”
  • What does the word “belonging” elicit for you?
  • Merry shares that for her, the word “belonging” means to be accepted, to be seen for who we are, to be loved for who we are.
  • When we don’t belong we are left with feelings of insecurity.
  • To create a felt sense of belonging, we connect with the following:
  1. Affinity - likemindedness
  2. Community - purpose together
  3. Connection - with each other
  4. Safety and Trust
  • Loneliness can be real or perceived. A feeling that “I am on my own” and “there is no one there for me”.
  • Merry shares from her early experience as an immigrant and how that led to some lies that she believed about herself. Gillian shares how words from a family member created a filter that she has had to overcome.
  • We acknowledge that we all carry our “junk” around with us and that can create obstacles to belonging.
  • Are you responding to the lies that you believe or can you look at the truth about yourself?
  • Belonging is not perfect because we all bring our imperfect selves with us but if we can adapt to think that “good enough” relationships is a good place to begin, we can foster a sense of belonging.

Life Coaching Tips from Dr. Merry:

  • Make a list of the lies and mental agreements you are believing about yourself
  • Refute the lies on the list with truth. Ask God to lead you through this process or reach out and ask a trusted friend to help you.
  • Then use the truth and refute the lies that pop into your head and defeat you. Remember you have rehearsed the lie many times so it will take some time to retrain yourself to tell yourself the truth.

If you have childhood trauma / attachment wounds  you may need to reach out to a professional for help to process and heal. Remember that reaching out is for your health and well being.


LifeCare Centres: https://lifecarecentres.com

Dr. Merry’s book: https://amzn.to/2rCrJyI

Dr. Merry’s videos: https://bit.ly/377eFR0

Dr. Merry’s website: https://drmerry.com

Dr. Lin & Associates: http://drlinandassociates.com

Gillian’s Website: https://gillianmcshane.com