May 15, 2020
026 - Healthy Anger: Harnessing the Power of Anger for Good
Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love and purpose - with wisdom, humour and transparency - through the lens of science, psychology, and life experiences.
Today we tackle the subject of anger and how it plays out in both our lives.
Merry shares how anger is difficult for her and she experiences shame when she feels anger. In Merry’s words - Asian culture does not do anger. As an Enneagram 2, Merry is very aware that when others are angry with her it causes her much distress.
Gillian responds with - In Irish culture we do anger. As an Enneagram 8, Gillian is very aware of her anger and expresses how much distress it has caused her and others. Merry and Gillian both share how their formative years and how anger was expressed or not in their households has affected them.
We identify 3 types of anger - misplaced anger, appropriate and righteous anger.
In this very stressful season we are most likely feeling anger whether we realize it or not. Can we come through this time having given ourselves the grace to face our emotions and work towards healthy expressions of them?
Merry offers us a great tip when we feel stirred up or “off” in our emotions.
Hold your hand out and grab onto your thumb with your other hand. Your 4 fingers will be your guide. Using G I F T to label out fingers allows us to ask ourselves:
G = Grief: Am I feeling sadness, anger, loss?
I = Insecurity: Am I feeling insecure, inferior, overlooked, unnoticed?
F = Fear: Am I fearful, scared, intimidated?
T = Trauma = Is what is happening stirring up some trauma?
This simple practice gives you the opportunity to see that anger is a secondary emotion. It is what is behind the anger that we need to address. Gillian shares that she was always trying to fix the anger and that didn’t work - it wasn’t until she learned this principle that she was able to gain control. Merry shares that acknowledging her emotions has helped her to express her anger.
What gets you stirred up?. What is behind it? What are you passionate about?
Journal your anger and look for trends and patterns over a week and then what action can you take to express your action and passion appropriately.
Notice, look for themes, take action.
If this is too difficult for you to do alone, look for a coach, therapist or friend that can help you out.
Dr. Merry’s book: https://amzn.to/2rCrJyI
Dr. Merry’s videos: https://bit.ly/377eFR0
Dr. Merry’s website: https://drmerry.com
Dr. Lin & Associates: http://drlinandassociates.com
Gillian’s Website: https://gillianmcshane.com
Dr Merry’s 700 Club Canada video on anger: https://vimeo.com/296326816