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Oct. 9, 2020

039 - Creating Safe Spaces for Ourselves and Others

039 - Creating Safe Spaces for Ourselves and Others

Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love and purpose - with wisdom, humour and transparency - through the lens of science, psychology, and life experiences.

What: We kick off this episode with a quote from Brene Brown's book Braving the WIlderness. What does it look like for us to create safe spaces for each other? Well, we have to create a safe space for ourselves first. If it doesn’t start in us it won’t get out of us! We all want connection with others, and connection does lead to safety. However, some of us may need to go back and do some work on ourselves in the areas of safety and where we may have lost that.

Merry unpacks the term “felt sense”, what it means and how it contributes to our sense of belonging. In this very difficult time in our history; how do we parent and foster safe spaces to allow brave spaces for conversations and questions?

Safety doesn’t mean that I need to change who we are but rather that we show us as we are and allow others to do the same. We talk though how to belong to ourselves.

So What: When we belong to ourselves we like ourselves and we accept ourselves. We are able to move past the pain of not being liked or accepted by others because we are ok with ourselves. Others' criticisms and shortcomings do not define us. (Viola Davis). We become safe when we can offer an open heart, empathy, honesty and acceptance to others. We can embrace the thought that not everyone will get us, not everyone will like us and that is ok.

Now What:

Therapeutic tip: As Dr. Merry says, honour your pain. Do not be controlled or absorbed in your pain but use it to learn. Let your pain bring meaning into your life. It has taught you lessons that you can use to grow and to be a safe place for others. Bring curiosity to your pain.. “What have I learned?” Where have I grown?”

Coaching tip: Gillian encourages us to think about the words we use to describe ourselves. What words do you want to be true of you? What words do you want to authentically live out of and leave as a legacy to those closest to you?

Life rule - can you come up with a life rule?


Dr. Merry’s book: https://amzn.to/2rCrJyI

Dr. Merry’s videos: https://bit.ly/377eFR0

Dr. Merry’s website: https://drmerry.com

Dr. Lin & Associates: http://drlinandassociates.com

Gillian’s Website: https://gillianmcshane.com

Brene Brown’s book: https://amzn.to/35n9ZZE