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Nov. 13, 2020

044 - The Sacred Wrestle: Mining the Deep Areas of the Soul

044 - The Sacred Wrestle: Mining the Deep Areas of the Soul

Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love and purpose - with wisdom, humour and transparency - through the lens of science, psychology, and life experiences.


This episode came out of a few conversations that Dr. Merry and Gillian had together with other women.

Merry pointed out that to enjoy the higher emotions we need to be able to feel, acknowledge, and stay in the low emotions. We won’t experience great happiness if we do not feel great sadness. This led to conversations about how in touch we are with our innermost low emotions. This is a really deep place to go, as for example, it may feel easier to stay in the land of frustration rather than go to the place of our deep pain, because that seems more accessible and safe. But if we don’t even acknowledge this deep sadness, we get stuck staying on the surface of the safe.

Gillian shared that she is often involved in what she calls the Sacred Wrestle; meaning that there is something very deep going on in her that only she knows about. Perhaps it doesn’t feel safe for her to bring it to the surface and tell others or she’s still processing it and can’t articulate it yet.  This could feel like the “dark night of the soul” which has been written about by many.

So What:

Both Merry and Gillian go to some deep personal sacred wrestle in this episode. We recognize that the soul is a very fragile place and needs to be honored. The idea of “honoring these periods of fragility” gives us such a tender and grace-filled approach to the deep things we are experiencing.

Listen in as both Merry and Gillian share their own experiences. This episode follows the previous episode on pain with a purpose. Today we add pain with a purpose towards progress.

Now What:

Therapeutic Tip:

  1. When you get in touch with those lower emotions - akin to being in an emotional tunnel, do not rush the process.
  2. Trust a friend, therapist, priest, pastor, or coach to walk with you through it.
  3. Invite your little girl self or little boy self to respond… ask “what do you want”?
  4. Process through journaling, art, music, or whatever allows you to feel the emotions.
  5. Allow yourself to feel the emotions without judgment but rather curiosity.

Life Coaching Tip:

What do you offer others? In what ways do you give, support, help, give life to others? If you respond with “ Well I take care of their needs” – I want you to drill down to the deeper part of that… “I help others by ensuring their physical needs are met so that they feel safe and valued”.  Whatever is the deeper part of how you respond, I want you to ask the question – is this my deepest longing, i.e., to feel safe and valued?


Dr. Merry’s book: https://amzn.to/2rCrJyI

Dr. Merry’s videos: https://bit.ly/377eFR0

Dr. Merry’s website: https://drmerry.com

Dr. Lin & Associates: http://drlinandassociates.com

Gillian’s Website: https://gillianmcshane.com

Thomas Moore, Dark Night of the Soul: https://amzn.to/3jXIwlA

Larry Crabb, God’s Love Letters: https://amzn.to/3nP05qw