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Nov. 27, 2020

046 - Shame Resiliency

046 - Shame Resiliency

Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry, and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love, and purpose - with wisdom, humor, and transparency -  through the lens of science, psychology, and life experiences.


Today’s episode does a deep dive into shame with a bucket full of hope! Yes, friends, that is exactly what we endeavor to deliver today or what is the point of bringing up the word shame again?

Shame is referred to as the master emotion! Ugh Shame drives us to the behaviours that lead to more shame. It is insidious and it is why we want to address it head-on but also lead to a hopeful practice of shame resiliency.

Merry shares her account of how she has learned to take the shame dragon in her own life. Merry’s account of a recent event that kept her up in the middle of the night (anyone want to throw out an amen?) that took her into the emotional shame tunnel but then how she was able to recognize what was going on and work through it using both breathing techniques and breath prayers.  This is what Merry often refers to as “tracking in real-time”.

So What:

Shame is a 100% universally held emotional response. So we are not alone. But shame wants to keep up alone and separated because then shame can do its worst work on us.

Now What:

We are combining our Therapeutic and Life Coaching Tips because they are so intertwined.

  1. Acknowledge that shame is universal. Where does shame show up in your life - acknowledge that because hiding from it just breeds more shame

Enneagram centers handle shame this way:

  • Move away (E5, 9, 4) – by withdrawing, hiding, silencing ourselves, holding secrets
  • Move towards (E2, 6, 7) – seeking to appease and please
  • Move against (E8, 3, 1) – trying to gain power over others by being aggressive or shaming back

So how do you protect yourself when shame rears up in your life?

  1. Move constructively through the shame by:
    • Recognize your shame triggers
    • Practical critical awareness - ask is this true?
    • Accept your imperfections
    • Ask for what you need - do this with trusted friends.
    • Ask yourself who is the person you would reach out to and call when you are in the shame tunnel?
  2. Grow in our courage and compassion (for self and others) as a result of our experience – courage is going to look different for everyone – Question to ask: What’s the most courageous thing you can do for yourself when you feel hurt?


Dr. Merry’s book: https://amzn.to/2rCrJyI

Dr. Merry’s videos: https://bit.ly/377eFR0

Dr. Merry’s website: https://drmerry.com

Dr. Lin & Associates: http://drlinandassociates.com

Gillian’s Website: https://gillianmcshane.com

Jerome Wagner article: https://bit.ly/2Kgbv7l