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Dec. 11, 2020

048 - The Best Yes!

048 - The Best Yes!

Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry, and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love, and purpose - with wisdom, humor, and transparency -  through the lens of science, psychology, and life experiences.


Does this sound like any of you? It certainly hit us between the eyeballs! Jen writes “This when-to-say-yes-and-when-to-say-no thing is no joke with real consequences. Adult life is chock-full of these choices. It is a war between a myriad of shoulds, shouldn’ts, won’ts, don’t want tos, wish I coulds, I guess I wills, and do I have to’s.”

So What:

Both Merry and Gillian believe that we are in a season of filtering, refining where we are in our lives right now to give us the right space when a good “yes” comes along.

Now What?

Therapeutic Tips:

There are two critical period in a person’s development when they’re developing their will: 1) when they’re toddlers and 2) when they’re teens. If you regularly heard a lot of no’s, or you were shamed for your “bad behaviour” or your will was constantly dominated by your parents, then your will may have been shut down.

Think about those formative times in your life: how did your parents respond to your desire to choose for yourself? How did they handle your toddler and teen years? What messages did you receive, both good and bad?

And out of those experiences, what might be the underlying fears that prevent you from choosing for yourself what you want?

Coaching Tips:

Evaluate realistic expectations:

• It feels thrilling to say yes to this now. But how will this yes feel two weeks, two months, and six months from now?

• Do any of the expectations that come from this yes feel forced or frantic?

• Could any part of this yes be tied to people pleasing and allowing that desire to skew my judgment of what’s realistic and unrealistic?

• Which wise people in my life think this is a good idea?

• Are there any facts I try to avoid or hide when discussing this with my wise advisors?

Evaluate unrealistic expectations:

• My time. The schedule required to meet all the demands of this opportunity isn’t in line with the time I have to invest.

• My ability. I’m not equipped with the necessary skills to carry out the functions of this opportunity.

• My money. I can’t afford the financial responsibilities that come along with this opportunity.

• My passion. The responsibilities of this opportunity evoke a sense of dread instead of fulfillment in my heart.

• My season. There is something that must take a higher priority during this season of my life, therefore the timing is off for me.


Dr. Merry’s book: https://amzn.to/2rCrJyI

Dr. Merry’s videos: https://bit.ly/377eFR0

Dr. Merry’s website: https://drmerry.com

Dr. Lin & Associates: http://drlinandassociates.com

Gillian’s Website: https://gillianmcshane.com

Jen Hatmaker's book: https://amzn.to/2Z6QcKf

Lysa Terkeurst’s book: https://amzn.to/3kSz6HJ

Carey Nieuwhof Podcast: https://careynieuwhof.com/mypodcast/