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May 14, 2021

068 - Overcoming Self-Gaslighting

068 - Overcoming Self-Gaslighting

Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry, and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love, and purpose - with wisdom, humor, and transparency -  through the lens of science, psychology, and faith.


Gaslighting is a psychological term that refers to manipulating or undermining someone in a way that questions how they’re reacting. It’s making someone believe that everything they’re going through is all in their head or isn’t really happening to the extent that they perceive. The idea is to make you feel like your reactions are invalid, your emotions are unimportant, your talents aren’t real, or that certain situations literally did or didn’t happen.

Self-gaslighting doesn’t necessarily have to be caused by the person you’re having trouble with. The messages can be internalized from past relationships - whether it’s your family of origin or a past abusive relationship. Once it gets inside your head, it can then become your filter.

So What?

How to know if you are self gas-lighting:

  1. You minimize your thoughts and feelings
  2. You doubt yourself
  3. You doubt your memories
  4. You convince yourself things aren’t that bad
  5. You find a way to blame yourself

Now What?

Therapeutic tip:

How To Stop Gaslighting Yourself:

  1. Recognize the problem
  2. Understand it’s origins
  3. Understand your feelings
  4. Affirm your experiences and emotions
  5. Respond with calm and confidence.

Life Coaching tip:

  1. How has self-gaslighting served my survival in the past? How did it help me cope?
  2. How does self-gaslighting no longer serve me in this moment (or in the future)? How am I being harmed?
  3. What’s one thing I can do right now to practice self-compassion?


Dr. Merry’s book: https://amzn.to/2rCrJyI

Dr. Merry’s website: https://drmerry.com

Dr. Lin & Associates: http://drlinandassociates.com

Gillian’s Website: https://gillianmcshane.com