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June 11, 2021

072 - Healthy Integration: True Self versus Shadow Self (Part 2 of 2)

072 - Healthy Integration: True Self versus Shadow Self (Part 2 of 2)

Welcome to The Fully Lived Life podcast! A podcast for those who are longing to pursue the full life and want to break free from anything that holds them back. Listen in as two friends - a psychologist, Dr. Merry, and a life coach, Gillian - talk about life, love, and purpose - with wisdom, humor, and transparency -  through the lens of science, psychology, and faith.


Leaning into the teaching in Part 1 - Episode 071, Dr. Merry continues moving us along the path from Insight to Wisdom to Transformation. The goal is always to be moving from insight gained towards wisdom to know how to implement insight and then lifelong integration towards transformation. Using the Enneagram, we talk about self-mastery.

So What?

The Levels of Integration refer to the degree of self-mastery individuals have achieved so far in their personal development journeys in life. At a high level of integration, there is a sense of “letting go” of core fears and concerns as people come to understand and move beyond the limitations of their core Enneagram Type.

The movement toward healthy integration means we become less fixated in the defensive structures of our personality and are more attuned and open to ourselves and our environment. We see our personality objectively in action rather than “falling asleep” to our automatic personality patterns.

Now What?

Therapeutic Tip:

Begin at the insight stage. If you know your triggers, what causes you to be reactive? What makes you reflect after an event and say “why did I do that”? This is the insight phase - knowing why you do that thing you do. Then begin to act wisely. How do you take steps to choose a different path than the reactive one. Do a daily check-in like the Examen to help you to review how you are acting wisely throughout the day. Then reflect on the transformation that has taken place in your life over the year. Where can you celebrate growth in your life. This will help you see that you are growing in insight, wisdom and integration.

Life Coaching Tip:

Last week you drew a pipe. Identify what the big one in the pipe is: is it anger, fear, passive aggressive behaviour etc? Pick that one big one and then ask what triggers this passive aggressive behaviour? What has happened to trigger this big response, what came before it, what feelings were stirred up? Once you realize what is behind it you can leverage that to ask yourself the question next time “ok what is really going on to make me want to react?” Learning to catch yourself and practice the 90 second rule is so key to lifelong transformation.


Dr. Merry’s book: https://amzn.to/2rCrJyI

Dr. Merry’s website: https://drmerry.com

Dr. Lin & Associates: http://drlinandassociates.com

Gillian’s Website: https://gillianmcshane.com